All Between the Top and Bottom

 

At first I was finding it difficult to come up with a first topic. There are many things to write about when it comes to the lifestyle of D/s and BDSM but I didn't want to just start throwing things out at random. I needed a starting place, a foundation where I could build off from and relate things back to. That made it hard to come up with anything appropriate. But then, once I looked at what I was looking for, for what it really was, I found the place to start.

I have been around and seen quite a bit, online and offline. Through all of my experiences and conversations, one thing shines quite clearly over everything else: Not one person sees this lifestyle in exactly the same way as another. Just as each and every person is unique in some way, their impressions -- wants and needs -- of the lifestyle are varied across the wide range of extremes.

Where you or anyone else lies is totally up to an individual acceptance level. Some enjoy harshly speaking or being spoken to only, during sex, others crave or do it 24/7. Some do or want spankings on occasion, or literally being choked, shocked or aggressively beaten. While others still are satisfied with simply holding or being held down or want tying so tight that it hurts even not to struggle.

Here are some seldom asked questions that actually should be on the forefront of anyone's mind when in this lifestyle circles or, more importantly, relationships:

1. Do I accept what this other person, or persons, expect of me?
2. Is it too much?
3. Is it too little?
4. Is there some middle or near middle point that I can accept being at, at least temporarily?
5. Do I even know what I want right now?

That last question is probably the most important one. And, you will find that most people can not truthfully answer it without stopping to think about it for a while. If you can't answer that, you are not in any way able to embark on an enjoyable adventure. If you can not answer that last question, it would be a good idea to determine, as close as possible, just what your "red light" zones are. When you know what you would never do, continue to work your way backwards until you find things you might be or are comfortable with. From there, you can draw a line in the sand, to be moved around, until you find your personal place in the lifestyle.

Regardless of if you are a submissive, slave, Dom, Domme or Switch, each has limitations. If you are looking at that last sentence in disbelief, remember this: Being with someone and enjoying that time means, being with someone with similar interests. While there are submissives and slaves who enjoy extreme pain, there are Dom's and Domme's out there who would be fearful of hitting someone hard enough to cause welts. These two would not go together very well.