By Any Other Name

Hey ya'll.. *S*

It's been an interesting winter here getting used to a new home and new people to get along with. Lately though everyone has been getting a little testy... cabin fever or something I suppose (lil laff). Even online I've noticed the discussions have been getting more and more vociferous with folks lining up as if for battle. Not a good atmosphere for intelligent discussion, but a great one if you want to "vent". lol

One of the questions I've seen lately is that age-old (internet only age-old, never saw this kind of silliness until I stumbled online) debate about the difference between a submissive and a slave. It's amazing how many folks will argue for hours, lose their tempers, and ruin friendships over such foolishness when all they are saying in effect is that they are more submissive than the next one because they use the label "slave". Piffle!

Hate to tell ya folks, there ain't no such different animal.

Over the last twenty years I've known many different submissives, some who use the term submissive and some who use the term slave. The only difference I've ever seen is one; what do the people involved WANT to call it.

I've heard it said online that slaves choose to give all control over to their Masters and that submissives don't. Horse puckey! Every couple, regardless of label, decides on how much or how little control/power/(insertlabelhere) they are going to address within the terms of their relationship and if that control is going to stop at the bedroom door. The only thing I've ever found that has truly influenced that decision in those who actively choose to "walk the talk", is the level of trust they have in their partner and their own ability to give that control over (it aint easy). And sorry folks, but online is online (ditto for LDR - telephone relationships); there is no such thing as a complete Dom/sub relationship any time you can end the contact by clicking on the X or hanging up the phone. Once you choose to become real you no longer have that option and oooooh, you soon learn if you indeed CAN walk the talk! It's nice and safe when you are several hundred miles apart and that big ole Dom really doesn't have any control over your daily life and family, or that "sweet lil thang" on the other end of the phone isn't sitting at the kitchen table talking to your mom and dad or schmoozing with your best friends.

If you are one of those lucky enough to find someone you can trust so much that you have no doubt they will make the best decision for you and your blended family, that's great! (In all honesty though, this should be true of ANY relationship, not just D/s!) However, in the final analysis, all submissives/slaves are responsible for their own mental, emotional, and physical safety (and those of their family). This means that you have to decide if that Dominant you're so attracted to is the kind of person you feel is truly capable and responsible enough to make decisions about all facets of your life. If he or she isn't, then I'd suggest seriously reconsidering any thoughts of accepting that collar.

Assuming the Dominant has made it through that approval process, (you can see this is NOT easy or fast, nor should it be) then all that's left is developing the dynamics of your life together. (*wicked grin* Sounds easy doesn't it?)

It's NOT easy to be submissive (or Dominant for that matter). Unlike online/LDR where you know that as soon as you click the X or hang up the phone the REAL influence of the person on the other end stops; for those living it, there is no instant "off" button. If your Dominant has made a decision or said/done something you don't like, you have to deal with it! I don't know of any Dominants who will take kindly to a sub/slave stomping off to another room to pout much less watch that erstwhile sweet sub/slave turn into a harpy. Therefore you have to be able to approach your Dominant and discuss the problem with him. (If the Dominant won't allow this then you are indeed in the wrong place! a) He aint no Dom! and b) Get the heck out!)

In order to make any D/s relationship work, the sub/slave MUST be able to speak up when something bothers or worries her (or him). The Dominant can't make correct decisions if you don't! He or she is only human and like all the rest of us, can't always be aware of all the circumstances surrounding a decision that needs to be made. Calling yourselves Master and slave doesn't change this one whit! It's getting a little easier to see how unrealistic the sub/slave distinction is, isn't it?

Some people try and claim that a submissive has the choice to leave and a slave does not. Well.... let's really look at this claim. Is there anywhere in the free world where a person can honestly be held anywhere against his or her will without fear of being arrested and dragged off to jail? (evil grin) Alright, then realistically no matter whether you call yourself submissive or slave, if all attempts at discussion and rectification have failed and you feel your only recourse is to leave, you make that decision and do it. (If you stay with someone even though it makes you miserable to do so, just because of some ridiculous notion of slavery, then perhaps you aren't truly capable of being responsible for yourself!)

This could go on forever, point by point, but I think that would be redundant. There is no difference between a submissive or slave, other than the label that suits your fancy.

A final note: In all honesty I've rarely (if ever) seen this discussion crop up among real life folks. There is an old saying, "the proof is in the pudding" ... Some Dominants may require their submissives to address them as Master when in private or among lifestyle friends, or they may not. But the actions and behavior of subs and Doms still remain consistent and it's not hard to tell who is who.

Now.. off to make a fresh jug of tea for the Boss.. lol.. He gets a lil cranky if his glass isnt kept full.

love n laughter

Licorice